Loving Your Neighbor

Jesus has been quoted as saying that above all “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”  It is not as simple a sentence as it may appear to be.

To begin with, in those days “thy neighbor” meant a person like us.  People were segregated, so neighbors were more like family.  Also, at that time, the prevailing view was “adenoi echad” or “G-d is one.”  If everything is one, it is conceivable that you love others like yourself, because they are.  But if Jesus meant that we should love everyone as ourselves, why say just “thy neighbor.” Perhaps, he meant the person near you at any given time as opposed to someone a thousand miles away.

But the biggest problem with this quote is that we cannot tell ourselves to love someone.  Just as Bonnie Raitt said in her great song, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t” and “you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.”  We know this is true by watching the mating shows that are currently the rage on T.V. where a single person of one gender gets to choose one person from among a dozen members of the other sex. By the end of several weeks they try to fall in love to win money and fame.  The loving relationship usually ends days after the winning prize checks are cashed. Not even people on T.V. can make themselves love someone else.  So if we take the quote as gospel, the result will probably be that we will act as though we love people and deny all indications to the contrary.  In short we will be hypocrites in order to be “good” people.

So what did Jesus mean?  Remember, he did not speak English, since it didn’t exist yet (otherwise he surely would have).  So we don’t know the exact translation of what someone said that he said (recall he also predated T.V., radio, tape recorders, and newspapers, not to mention the internet).  

I think what he meant was treating people not solely as means to an end - the butcher cuts meat for you, the cabbie drives you in his cab, the house painter paints your house - but also as ends in themselves.  The butcher is also a person with thoughts and feelings, needs and memories, so we should be considerate toward him because he is a unique person as we are. I think that that is why we say “Please” and “Thank you” when needing something from someone.  It is our way of showing that we don’t take the person or the act for granted.

In a broader sense, it could be applied to being considerate of others in general even if we don’t know them personally or get anything from them.  An example would be not double parking.  It’s amazing how many seemingly nice people with humanistic views regarding national and international priorities double park.  By so doing they are saying that they are not concerned about the needs of others.  So what if others wait while their lane is blocked?  Besides exhibiting laziness, lack of creativity or patience, double parking must be a clear violation of Jesus‘ plea that we love our neighbors.
 
If we really treated all people as ends in themselves, we wouldn’t talk on cell phones while buying our groceries, while driving, parking or crossing busy streets or while eating dinner with friends. 

Treating providers and acquaintances as ends in themselves in addition to using them as means to an end, will still be more extrinsic than intrinsic.  The merchant to whom we are friendly and considerate, still is more concerned with our purchases than our warm hellos. It should be the opposite with friends and family.

With friends and family we should care about them for who they are more than for what they do for us.  We should be able to love them as we love ourselves, but do we?

If our friend or family member has a problem, do we feel it is also ours?  Or do we feel put upon to hear about the negative side of their lives?  If our friend succeeds, do we feel it is as though the success were ours?  He got a promotion and now makes more than me.  Am I happy or envious?

If our loved one has a new home or a new mate or a new pet, are we eager to see them knowing that the person, place or thing will bring joy to our loved one or does it lower our all-important self-esteem by making us feel on the losing side of a comparison?

If we are separated from our beloved friends or relatives, do we miss them?  I don’t mean do we miss all they do for us.  I mean do we miss enjoying their very being?

With the rash of social networks like Facebook and MySpace, people want to have literally hundreds of “friends” on their page.  The more the merrier.  We have not enough time in our busy lives for two or three close relationships, but plenty to share with a large group of bosom buddies. 

Many years ago comedian Soupy Sales, had a children’s show that seemed to take place at his little clubhouse.  In addition to his daily conversations with Black Fang and White Tooth, and with Pooky the Lion who gave the audience a big kiss and told them to spread it around, each day there would be a knock on his front door.  He would open the door but not enough for us to see his caller.  The person would ask for help.  Soupy always asked what the problem was.  The answer was similar every day.  “You got to help me.  My wife thinks that she is a ....(refrigerator, car, washing machine, etc. depending on the day).”  Soupy’s response was always the same, said with true concern.  He would ask, “Why not take her to a psychiatrist?”  The answer was always in the same vein.  “Where am I going to put my food?” or “How am I going to get to work?” or “How will I clean my clothes?” depending on the delusion.  The man cared more about what his wife gave him than how she felt.  She was more of a means than an end to him.

Sometimes, it seems, friends and relatives can be like Soupy’s daily visitor. 

How many friends do you have, really?